When you're a step-parent, it's a given that you'll help raise your partner's kids. No biggie, but now imagine if your husband cheated on you, got the woman pregnant, then demanded you babysit his affair-baby while he goes to his brother's wedding with his former mistress... on your birthday. It sounds like the plot of a bad Lifetime movie, but that's the situation Reddit user u/throwaway395057393 recently found herself in. She agreed to quit her job to raise the child her husband had out of wedlock, but she finally drew the line at ditching her birthday plans to babysit the night of his brother's wedding. Now she's feeling guilty so she turned to the internet to ask: She writes: This story is a little complicated, so I'll try and sum it up. Myself (26f) and my husband (33m) have been married for five years. Three years ago, he had an affair with Jane (31f). We are part of a large friend group and Jane is a part of that friend group. Their affair lasted a few months and then ended when he came to me to tell me that was she was pregnant, she wanted to keep the baby, but he was sorry and wanted things to work between us. After a short separation, and a lot of counseling, I decided to give him a second chance under two conditions, one: we attend couples counseling, and two: he be part of his daughter's life. It was difficult but we managed to find a co-parenting situation that worked best for us, however, it required a lot of sacrifice on my part. Jane was adamant she wanted to continue her career, and therefore needed childcare from when the baby was a few weeks old. She was nervous about daycare so my husband said that I would have to give up my job to take care of her, as I made the least money between us. We have her one week, Jane has her the next, so I'm basically a full-time step-mum one week and a babysitter the next. The second, and probably biggest sacrifice is that my husband has only ever wanted one kid. This is it for him. He has said he would consider a second child, this time with me when his daughter is a little older, but it was important I accept that he might decide that he doesn't want another ever. As someone who has always wanted to be a mother, this was hard, but I have had the privilege of watching my stepdaughter grow and I wanted my marriage to work.AITA (Am I The As*hole) for refusing to babysit my stepdaughter so my husband can attend his brother's wedding?
A few months ago, my husband got invited to his brother's wedding. His brother is marrying Jane's best friend, and she is a bridesmaid, so they planned to attend together. Which would leave me taking care of my stepdaughter.
Usually, this would be fine, as I love her very much, but the weekend of the wedding is also my birthday weekend, and my best friend had planned a trip away for us both. I told my husband at the time, and he assured me he would talk to Jane about alternative childcare.
She's conflicted because she wants to be a good wife and stepmom, in fact, she agreed to be a full-time stay-at-home caregiver to the baby, but this particular weekend she already had a trip planned for her birthday.
Fast forward to last night, my husband casually tells me that Jane isn't comfortable with anyone else looking after their daughter, so I will have to cancel my trip.
The trip/wedding is this weekend so I told him there was no way I was letting my friend lose the money she spent on the trip. They had months to figure this out. I was going to attend my birthday trip and they would have to decide which one of them missed the wedding.
My husband got angry and told me I was an arsehole if I made him miss his brother's wedding because Jane had made it clear she was not compromising on attending.
Things have been tense since, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm being selfish here. So AITA?
From the title alone I was ready to declare this lady, 'The As*hole', but as I continued reading my blood began to boil. At one point, I actually said out loud, 'Girl no!'
Why wouldn't this husband want his wife by his side at his brother's wedding? Why is she the only one expected to sacrifice? Why isn't he doing anything for her birthday? So many questions, but only one possible answer- she needs to get out of this dysfunctional marriage ASAP.
My take on this story is that her husband and friend betrayed her and are absolutely just using her for free child care. I think the husband and Jane are the true as*holes here, not the OP (original poster) and the comments 100% agree.
Pheaphilus writes:
Oh OP. NTA , but you are being so thoroughly disrespected in your marriage.
You have been cheated on, forced to deal forever with your husband's affair partner, forced to give up your job, forced into giving up having children. What has your husband had to give up throughout this situation - a situation he caused when he couldn't keep his dick in his trousers?
You're 26. I'm saying this from a place of care - please consider leaving him. Your life will not get better with this man. It will only get worse as he makes you cut off more pieces of yourself to fit into what he requires from you.
That's not even getting into the age gap.
ejm9766 agrees
I agree NTA. This is a really messed up situation though. Screw them go on your trip. It's their fault for failing to find childcare.
Intelligent_Sundae_5 gets right to the point:
Go on the trip and don't come home.
NTA. Honestly...just leave. I know your husband has put you in a bad spot because he is financially abusing you, but leave now before it gets worse.
Careless-Image-885 agrees:
OP needs to pack up all of her stuff, leave and never return. Forcing OP to deal with his affair partner and affair child every day is beyond ridiculous. OP needs to get a different counselor, get a job and be free of this abuse.
Run, Run, Run. I can't say this loud enough.
HayWhatsCooking says:
OP, honey, I feel so so so bad for you. The utter disrespect. And it’s crazy how everyone around you is also accepting of this???
Of course, you’re NTA. But seriously, your entire existence is on the back burner. I know you love your husband, but what do you love about him? He’s awful!
Don’t waste your life being someone’s last choice. Because it sounds like you’re simply the maid/free childcare here.
Please, go to therapy. You NEED it. Love yourself. Put yourself first - because no one else is.
Discombobulatedslug writes:
The mistress refused to compromise on their career, so you gave up your job to babysit for her? At no cost? And your husband is going away for the weekend with her, leaving the wife with their baby? Is this for real? Are you mad? Of course, you're nta. She's still the mistress, you're the unpaid help.
And leave, or you'll never get that baby you wanted or any respect.
mouse_attack is mad:
The fact that OP is unpaid makes me livid. She’s not a SAHM, she’s a nanny for two parents with full-time jobs. Raising their child is her job. She should be financially compensated. By both of them.
OP, nothing is okay here. NTA.
Juliennix is saying what we're all thinking:
girl he and Jane are 100% still together
they are straight-up using you. leave, now, and NEVER come back. NTA but you'll be an asshole to your future self if you stay.
accountantladyreads gets right to the point:
YTA. To yourself. Run from this horrible man and the woman he is definitely still having an affair with. Run and find someone who will treasure you.
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